Stop over-thinking things!

That's the key message I received after reading "Middle Age" (Art of Living) by Christopher Hamilton.  Too much navel gazing and thinking-thinking can make you depressed!

I had picked up "Middle Age" at a used book store while out on Rideau Street with a friend last month.  At first, my choice was on a lark as we chuckled at the book's title and the fact that each of us were either in the middle of middle age or starting to feel it.  I have recently been going through changes in different roles and areas of my life.  Although there are many life change books aimed at women, I chose to try reading this one written by a man.  Meh... It was on sale.  It was also thin and compact enough to read on my daily commutes. 

The book was a difficult, slow read at the beginning, enduring this man's lengthy tale about his family, his strange childhood and the impact of the revelation about his real, biological father.  I gradually appreciated and related to his comments about religion, faith, philosophy, family and relationships.

The focus was that he felt the need to re-evaluate who he was after hearing the news about his real father, confirming  suspicions of his mother's dalliances in the early years.  Was he who he was - who he had grown up as?  How or why would one feel any different knowing this news?  Talk about serious navel gazing and philosophical questions! 

I am curious to hear comments from visitors if you at some time wondered about your family and if you had been adopted - or switched at birth?  I used to.  I sometimes wished it.  I would look up at the stars at night while wandering outdoors, avoiding family outbursts and wished I could be taken away by some benevolent alien race.

In my novel "The Year of the Rabbit", twelve year-old Sera Fletcher eventually discovers who is her real, biological father.  Does it change her view on life?  Does she look at Matthew Fletcher in a different light?  Could she forgive him for his neglect since he had learned the shameful, disappointing news himself?  Well... you'll have to read the book. 

So, thank you very much for reading this far.  I am really flattered.  If you'd like a free copy of the Ebook version of "The Year of the Rabbit", hop on over to this page by July 1st. 

In addition to performing glamorous domestic duties and reviewing my short term and long term goals, I would like to get back to writing in my pen and paper journal. That's where I record the mundane as well as my goals and deep reflections on life.  I will certainly return to this blog on occasion, offering my deep blonde thoughts. I hope you will return to read them :o)

T

Middle Age (Art of Living)

• http://www.amazon.co.uk/Middle-Age-Living-Christopher-Hamilton/dp/1844651657
• http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2009/jun/20/middle-age-christopher-hamilton

Lean on Me

"I'm so relieved to know that I am not alone."

That is a statement I have heard often over the past fifteen months.  I have also shared it with teared-up eyes while sitting around a table or in a circle of couches and chairs.  

It's good to know that you are not alone in a struggle and that your troubles sometimes seem few compared to others' when they're facing addictive, harmful behaviour.

We each experience a variety of challenges throughout our lives and I believe that it's how you face them that contributes to your character - and skills for survival.  There will be times when one cannot be strong and has to realize that some life challenges cannot be faced alone.  There will be times when we each need the meaningful support of family, friends and community.  

We all need somebody to lean on. 
 

I have memories of living with a mentally ill person who was emotionally and verbally abusive to our family.  We were "walking on eggshells" so as to avoid an outburst or angry tirade.  After he attempted to kill me, I remember using that term while testifying at the criminal trial - even before I knew there was a book whose title contained the same phrase.

It's bad enough if the affected family member was your former spouse who through denial and controlling behaviour could make you doubt your own sanity.   It's a different story when a parent sees it happening with a child. 

After years as a single parent dealing with PTSD, my family's emotional roller coasters and attempting to cope through writing therapy, I was very thankful for connecting with a group that helps friends and family cope when someone they love suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). The twelve-week course was led by volunteers who tirelessly coordinated the weekly sessions and provided participants with documents and articles, building a "toolbox" of skills for coping and understanding affected family members. We were also reminded that we, as relatives have rights. 



I am not shy to share this part of my life with the world. Some of the details are on public record anyway.   If this blog entry can reach one person who is experiencing the same conditions as I did over a decade ago, wondering "Why is this happening?", then I feel that I have connected with and helped another human being along the bumpy road on the journey of life. 

It was during the final session of our program last spring that some of us expressed an interest to continue meeting - at least on a monthly basis.  We wanted to review the notes, refresh ourselves on the communication and coping skills.  We needed to keep on connecting, listening and sharing. 

Some of the people could not make it to the monthly gatherings.  I often think about them and hope their struggles have lessened over time.  

In addition to the monthly support sessions, I have continued to review the courseware and perform research online.  It's not difficult to find credible, clinical sources and... blogs by others who have endured family members with these same disorders for a long, long time.  I consider myself very lucky.

Last month, a group of my lady writer friends finally agreed on a convenient date to meet for dinner.  In addition to sharing updates on our lives and clinking our glasses in a toast, we consoled each other on our various challenges.  We agreed on the importance of the gathering of friends and taking advantage of available support systems. 

In addition to professional services, support groups and healthy communities, it's good to have friends - real life and yes, even supplemented on social networking platforms like Facebook. On the latter though, one doesn't (and shouldn't) reveal dark, personal details.  There is indeed a feeling of connection and support when sharing photographs or "what's on your mind?".  

After a "like" or a comment from a true friend across the city, the river or across the continent, you can feel assured that you are not alone. 

- - -

The Ottawa Network for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
http://www.on-bpd.ca

The Royal Ottawa Mental Health Centre
http://www.theroyal.ca

What is Time...

New Year's Eve is upon us.  It's still morning in Ottawa yet some places in our wonderful world are already celebrating 2012's arrival.


One part of me appreciates the human need to measure and track things like distance, space and time in set increments.  I can also appreciate and respect the measurement of time in natural cycles.  

Years ago, I came across in interesting quote about time by a lady named Sarah Ban Breathnach:  


"Chronos is clocks, deadlines, watches, calendars, agendas, planners, schedules, beepers. Chronos is time at her worst. Chronos keeps track. ...Chronos is the world's time. Kairos is transcendence, infinity, reverence, joy, passion, love, the Sacred. Kairos is intimacy with the Real. Kairos is time at her best. ...Kairos is Spirit's time. We exist in chronos. We long for kairos. That's our duality. Chronos requires speed so that it won't be wasted. Kairos requires space so that it might be savored. We do in chronos. In kairos we're allowed to be ... It takes only a moment to cross over from chronos into kairos, but it does take a moment. All that kairos asks is our willingness to stop running long enough to hear the music of the spheres."  


Deep and far out. Sarah is the author of a book called "The Simple Abundance Daybook" and has a web site: www.simpleabundance.com  


Once again and since I don't function well in large, noisy crowds, I will be ringing in the new year at home with family and felines.  We will celebrate with music, colourful Christmas lights, tasty treats and a bottle of Ice Cuvée VQA.  


I will let my structured and creative sides merge long enough to explore New Year mandalas. I'm willing to try just about anything once.  


Another celebration will be upon us in less than a month.  The quiet, creative and brave Year of the Rabbit will make way for the Water Dragon.  With the Year of the Rabbit novel behind me, I look forward to exploring new projects and realms in 2012 and beyond.


Wishing a Happy, Healthy New Year to family, friends and kindred spirits.  


One problem is... I may not be able to help finish that bottle of bubbly for very long after midnight.  We may have to open it sooner.  Besides, it's already New Years somewhere in the world ;o) 

T

Vacationing and my train of thought

A few weeks ago, I took a much-needed vacation and little trip to a nearby city. I had planned this for months.  


I rode the train there and back.  A couple of relatives joined me for a few days so we could enjoy time together and get caught up with updates on each others' lives.  We even went to see a live theatre performance.  We ate well.  We drank wine and raised our glasses in good cheer.


The train rides were relaxing.  I watched the colourful landscape as it streamed by or I read a book. I also took time to record events, feelings and strings of poetry in a jot journal.  I was able to satisfy a yearning to travel by train and recall fond memories of vacations past.  


Trains are a common occurrence in my novel The Year of the Rabbit.  Trains provide entertainment for children who counted box cars during lazy summer days.  Trains brought people to visit.  They also took people away.


When I returned home to Ottawa and later to work, I was greeted by a pile of email and requests for my attention.  I took a methodical approach in attending to the issues of most importance.  I also took inventory of who or what  I wanted to keep in my "backpack".


I was tickled to learn that people had seen one of my posters about the novel and they wanted to purchase a printed copy of the book.  I was sad to mention that I did not yet have time to produce the second printed edition.  Perhaps some miracle will work its way in to my schedule this fall!


Perhaps also a miracle will occur in repairing or replacing the family Mac which bit the dust about the same time as Steve Jobs passed away.  Strange coincidences…  


My writing urges will have to be satisfied by limited sessions on my son's Macbook Pro or by sitting in quiet reflection and starting on another blank journal.  :o)  But how would you enjoy my deep blonde thoughts if I hibernated away in my solitary pages?  


One thing I made sure of when I returned to the daily grind... I started plans for my spring vacation.  


Thank you for reading this far.  If you like my writing style, you may enjoy reading The Year of the Rabbit, a novel about fate, family and forgiveness.  Sample some excerpts and enjoy feedback from people who read the earlier print version.  I'm pushing the Ebook version with a special discount until October 31, 2011.  No trees were harmed ;o)


T

Writing as therapy

The novel received coverage in the Citizen's The Wrap last weekend.  Follow details in the blog for The Year of the Rabbit.  

I accepted an opportunity to promote the novel (for free, at that!) as well as recall and share a very challenging time in my life.  It's a small compromise of privacy compared to what I had to endure and reveal to strangers during the three-year criminal trial.  I consider myself a real life survivor.  

The article mentions my use of writing as therapy.  I have already heard from people who read it, who praised my courage and mentioned their own experiences with domestic abuse.  

I've been writing and speaking about writing as therapy for years, it seems.  I spoke of this in June at an arts event.   Writing out daily activities, memorable events, plans and dreams help me express joy, sadness, love, loneliness, curiosity and recognize a need for change.

The pen can be mightier than the sword. 

 T

Happy New Year

If you have school-age children, you will likely agree that this weekend is the one before a fresh new year.  

Those of us who remember our school days with some fondness will agree that the first week of September is more like a new year than is January 1st. 

I remember the promise of new clothing, new pens, colour pencils and wads and wads of fresh, blank paper!  I recall the surprise of seeing classmates who grew inches taller over the months and crushes who seemed even more attractive and swarthy due to their summer adventures.

Then there were the teachers, lockers, cliques, bullies and getting lost trying to find your classes.   I try to block out memories of the strict Math teachers and fondly remember the inspiring English teachers. Thank you Mr. Tremaine and Mr. Maul.  Thank you for making us sit quietly for ten minutes as you would read a selected passage.  You ignited my curiosity to read more works of fiction and quite possibly, a desire to write some of my own. 

Now-a-days, we're hearing terminology like "the inclusive classroom" where "... teachers will have to consider the many learning styles and needs they may have in the classroom. That means, going beyond the textbook."

Parents not only have to budget for "in" clothes, textbooks, student fees and non-skid running shoes; they also may have to go beyond the calculator or home computer purchase to satisfy the need for a smart phone or tablet. 

The times they are a-changin'.  

At least my children are older now and most can budget for their own needs.  It will be nice to see them back on a (a-hem -- mother-approved) schedule and moving their bodies a bit more regularly.  Parents of the younger, energetic sort will truly see this as "the most wonderful time of the year". Sorry, I just can't get the modernized, consumerized version of that song out of my head!

This blog post is brought to you with thanks to unions of the past who made this a holiday, Labour Day weekend.  

If you like my writing style or want to comment on this post, please "+1" it or -- comment on this post. To read some of my other writing projects, visit the domain for my novel, The Year of the Rabbit. 

The Naked Journal

Do you gaze with delight or apprehension at the first blank page of a new journal? 

Do you fondle and covet the variety of journals while visiting a greeting card or book store?

At times, I find starting a new journal quite intimidating especially if selected pages are already inscribed with words of wisdom and inspirational quotes.  I have a Celtic Mandala Tree of Life journal that has remained untouched since I purchased it in early 2009.  The cover art and section pages are beautifully designed.  It seems like the crisp, lined pages deserve something better than weekly updates, mundane ponderings and the occasional scribbles of bad poetry. 

While running errands with my daughter yesterday, I was lured by the siren call of the journal display in a local Carlton Cards store.  I oohed and ahhed at the colourful, intricate cover designs offered by the "Paperblanks" selection.  "The journal as functional art" statement caught my fancy.   Carlton Cards was having a sale so I bought two!

Lately, I have found that starting a new journal is like beginning a new phase of a journey or fresh path in one's life.  Do you pause with cautious deliberation before expressing your next words or actions?  Do you jump in with glee, poised with your favourite pen and a mind ripe with ideas?

This morning I completed the pages of a cute little journal I started last autumn, just as we were entering the gray and brown days of November.  That journal helped me navigate thoughts and dreams through the dark, long winter and into the refreshing days of spring.  This morning I transcribed recent observations, accomplishments, social engagements and family outings in that beloved book.  The last page was reserved for a list of goals and dreams. 

I look forward to listing them again in a fresh, new journal.  I look forward to recording the progress of those goals and writing with joy after I realize some dreams. 

Who would have thought someone could dedicate a blog entry to the subject of paper journals?  With the increased use of computer keyboards, smart phones and tablets, I wonder if people will lose that special connection between inspirations of the mind, the hand sweeping with the ink of a pen onto the receptive, blank page.  Will our expanding digital world present different writing skill requirements for school children and eventually eliminate the need for cursive writing?  Although most people can learn to type and transcribe more quickly by using a keyboard, I find that a scary thought.

I will continue to supplement my digital, keyboard writing activities with those of the pen and paper journals.   As I shared with a group of art lovers over a month ago, writing is a form of expression and ongoing therapy and I don't plan on stopping any time soon.  Well, I am taking a bit of a break since releasing the novel and gathering strength to publish an electronic version. 

Of course, intimate contemplations will only be expressed through the loving caress of pen on paper.  Perhaps that special, untouched Tree of Life journal can some day receive final revisions of poetry or inspirational essays. 

Thank you for reading this far.  If you like my writing style, you may enjoy excerpts from my novel, "The Year of the Rabbit". 

T

Time flies

It seems fitting to type a few words about time and our recording devices on this, New Years Day 2010.

Another man-made milestone has passed and nothing in my observance of natural time has really changed. I do have a few calendars to change around the humble abode. What to do with the old ones?

• Well, the sentimental side of me wants to keep them on file to have a record of family visits, birthdays and appointments. Meh, some of that is already recorded in personal journals or photographs :-) and appointment history is kept by the doctor's offices anyway.
  
  
• The creative side wants to save the artwork for cheap yet colourful rec-room wall coverings. Somehow, Happy Bunny and Farmers Almanac just don't compliment each other. Or do they?
  
  
• The pragmatic side says to discard them - preferably into the recycling bin.

This year, fewer calendars!

Thoughts?